Mental Health and Well-being: Addressing the mental health concerns of young Asian workers, with tips on self-care, work-life balance, and seeking support when needed.
I am motivated to write this particular article because yesterday someone died. Actually, two people died, both women. One was from China, the other from Myanmar. They were shot in Siam Paragon mall, Bangkok. Another five people were injured. It happened late afternoon, the mall crowded with people, all innocently going about their business. Who could imagine such a dreadful thing happening? Who could imagine a 14-year old Thai youth taking a handgun and shooting people at random in a posh, world-famous, Bangkok shopping mall?
Well, I could imagine it happening, and so too could many other sociologists and psychologists around the world.
‘Globally, young males are increasingly liable to poor psychological and social outcomes (emotional dysfunctionality), partly due to deleterious masculinity norms which encourage emotional ‘toughness’ and a lack of reflexivity. Given the significant changes in gender roles, young men’s continuing reliance on traditional masculine roles and behaviours can, today, lead to angers, stress, confusion, potentially resulting in violence, self-harm, and aggression.’
I co-wrote that with another UK sociologist, ten years ago. It formed the basis of a research grant application to examine ‘rampage violence’ by males in six countries. The research didn’t proceed, but rampage violence certainly has done. Male suicide, male depression, male violence, male self-imposed reclusiveness, male emotional dysfunctionality, misogyny and male maladaptive behaviour are on the rise in most every country. Back in 2014, Thailand was one of the few countries spared this grim phenomenon. Not any longer. In 2020, a former Thai army officer went on the rampage in a shopping mall in Korat, killing 29 people and wounding dozens more. And almost a year ago to the day, a Thai former police officer armed with a knife and gun attacked a nursery in Uthai Sawan, murdering 24 children and 12 adults.
This is not just about the slaughtered, it is about the living, especially the families of those who have lost loved ones. These families will never fully heal. All they can do is learn to live with the pain, the grief, the emotional agony.
I won’t fill this article with evidence of identical attacks by men (young and old) on the innocent. Just read the news. This is a global problem and it is overwhelmingly a male problem, one which is getting worse by the day.
I can predict the Thai response to yesterday’s horror because it will follow the same pattern of responses that we see in every other country, across every continent: 1. More visible security in shopping malls. 2. More questions raised about gun usage and access. 3. More CTV cameras in public areas. 4. Another crackdown on narcotics.
And, not least, claims that this was just another ‘mentally ill’ male whose actions were totally unpredictable, e.g. unstoppable. When faced with inexplicable horror then it’s comforting to be told that this is just a random act. And at one level this is true. But then we have to ask:
- Why is it happening more frequently?
- Why is it happening everywhere?
Addressing these two questions is both vital and urgent because for sure, this is going to happen more often in Thailand, as it will in every other country.
Iceberg
Try to imagine that this 14-year old Thai youth, along with the former police office and former army officer, are just the visible extremes of a much deeper mental health problem in Thailand. They are the tip of the iceberg. Most of the mental health issues in Thai society are out of view; hidden, concealed, put away in hospitals, bedrooms, schools, workplaces, homes. But they do exist and they do need to be recognised so they can be treated.
And the best, most effective form of treatment is self-care; caring for your self.
All of us suffer from some mental health issue at some time in our lives. Any one of us can lose his or her temper, be aggressive, get depressed, become morose and withdrawn, lash out at others. That is not new. Our ancestors lived with the same mental health dilemmas. But today we live in a world designed for stress, not peace of mind and tranquillity. We live in a competitive global society, where winners take all and losers end up begging on the streets outside the posh shopping malls. We strive and work hard all our lives but end up in debt. We are surrounded by CTV cameras but we don’t feel safe and secure. We have access to amazing technology and devices, but they don’t make us happy. We have wealth beyond the dreams of our ancestors but we are not content. We live among millions but every day we can feel alone, isolated, lonely. Our children especially are now under the most grotesque pressure to succeed. Where did the joy in life go? We lost it when we tried to have everything and instead discovered we had lost ourselves.
Most mental health conditions have the same root cause: lack of love for oneself.
If you love yourself you don’t go out and shoot people in shopping malls, stab children to death in a kindergarten, or murder people because you hate society. If you love yourself you are not always angry, full of hatred for others, depressed at your life, unable to cope with living.
Remedy
Self-love is the most effective remedy for self-loathing. And for sure, self-loathing is one of the main conditions which prompts men to go out and kill.
But women also suffer from self-loathing. They are just much less likely to kill others as a consequence. Women are more prone to internalising self-hatred and blaming themselves. Men are more prone to externalising self-hatred and blaming others.
In my latest book* I define self-love is as follows:
Self-love means recognizing oneself, valuing oneself, nurturing oneself, protecting oneself, empowering oneself, thereby ensuring you are able to grow in a self-aware and contented state.
Simply, self-love arises when a person stops attempting to achieve self-validation by striving to meet the expectations of others and in gaining the love of others, and instead finds their true worth, identity, validation, in loving themselves, forgiving themselves, understanding themselves.
All of which sounds eminently healthy both for mind and body. So why is self-love often looked upon negatively, a little bit Over The Top?
To answer that question let us clarify what self-love is NOT.
Self-love is not narcissism. It is not vanity or self-adulation, nor is it always believing one is right or entitled.
Self-love is not a power-play. It is not an obsession with one’s own position, authority, status, dominance or need to control others.
Self-love is not self-obsession. It is not disregarding or being uncaring of the needs of others, being inconsiderate, nor being self-absorbed to the point where one has no empathy for others.
Self-love is not ego-mania. It is not obsessive self-regarding to the extent of excluding anyone else’s ego, nor seeking to diminish anyone else’s self-worth in order to feel good.
Self-love is not introversion. It is not retreating so far into one’s self that one gets lost.
Self-love is not weakness: It can only be acquired through balance, determination, resolve and patience.
Self-love is not emotional dysfunctionality. On the contrary, to acquire self-love one must develop emotional intelligence. Self-love requires empathy, sympathy, forgiveness, humility, understanding – and a touch of wisdom.
Self-love is not being perfect: Perfection within oneself is never achievable and anyone with self-love knows this. They know their weaknesses. Indeed, they appreciate their weaknesses as much as they appreciate their strengths.
Is self-love selfish? Yes, to the extent that selfishness is not always and inevitably bad. Self-love is healthy selfishness, where the individual makes decisions not based on the persuasiveness, demands, expectations of others, but on their own safety, protection, wellbeing, needs.
Whatever humans do in their lives, whatever decisions they make, there invariably lies behind those actions and decisions a desire for happiness, a desire for contentment, for satisfaction. But you cannot achieve sustainable happiness without self-love. You cannot achieve real contentment without self-love. And you’ll never be satisfied with your life if you are not content within your self.
Searching for self-love is not a narcissistic ego-trip, it is an essential journey which every human being should be brave and confident enough to undertake.
Journey
The journey towards self-love begins with self-awareness: being reflective, emotionally aware, recognising one’s flow of emotions, feelings, patterns, tendencies, values.
This enables self-validation and self-expression, two supporting aspects of identity. Both allow the individual to assert themselves in a liberating, self-actualising way.
But self-love cannot function fully unless the individual cares for themselves. Therefore, self-care and self-protection become actions of care which the individual must perform on their own behalf – not rely on others to do it for them.
The next stage is self-sufficiency and self-independence. Here, the individual is aware of their strengths and weaknesses and has accepted them, forgiven themselves for having those weaknesses, recognised them as core elements to themselves, and can live with these traits in a healthy, mindful, state. The individual is whole within themselves, not full of emotional vacuums needing to be filled by others.
Finally, the individual reaches a stage of self-management and self-development. The individual continues to progress, develop greater emotional intelligence, acquiring better understanding of how other people may be struggling with various forms of toxicity.
When an individual reaches this final level, they will be emotionally resilient, of a calm mind, strongly empathetic, and mentally healthy. Their physical state will benefit also. Self-love creates circumstances wherein a person is enveloped by both inner and outer-love.
A person with self-love can connect with others in a positive and healthy way. They will have the empathy to do so. A person with self-love will give and receive love much more readily. They will be open to love not least because they can better cope with the insecurities and anxieties which accompany emotional openness and emotional exposure.
Self-Love is the only antidote to the mental health problems driving people to hate, hurt and kill others.
Twelve Tips on Self-Care
- Learn to say NO – don’t feel obligated to everyone around you, especially bosses.
- Know your LIMITS – do not allow others to push you into stressful situations.
- Live in BALANCE – there is a time for work, a time to be a little stressed, a time for fun and liveliness, and a time to switch off, relax, sleep.
- Live your OWN LIFE – you have your life, other people have their lives. Don’t be tempted to try and live other people’s lives. Follow your own path.
- Be AUTHENTIC – you have a unique identity so embrace it, value it, and respect it. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not.
- Be WELL – if you are doing drugs then you clearly don’t love yourself. If you are drinking too much alcohol then clearly you don’t love yourself.
- Be FIT – you have one body, so look after it. Exercise regularly
- Be PEACEFUL – meditate for a few minutes every day
- Be QUIET – the world is full of too much noise, stress, chaos. Find your quiet place.
- Look INWARD – you cannot know the world if you don’t understand your self.
- Get SUPPORT – none of us can do it alone. We all need help at times. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and don’t be slow in offering it.
- Live for YOURSELF – don’t follow the social rules all the time. Make your own rules for your own identity. That way you’ll have fewer regrets.
*Van Thanh Binh and Stephen Whitehead (2023) Self-Love for Women. Acorn books, UK.
